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I Don't Have

My Shit Together

"I've lived on this planet for about twenty four years, and I still don't have my shit together. If I didn't have it together at age zero what makes people think I have it together at twenty four?"

I Don't Have My Shit Together

Listen, Im pretty much repeating the same words that everyone else is saying. "I don't have my shit together." and I'm fine with it. I'll never have it together. I came to Korea thinking I would have my shit together. I went to college thinking i'd have all of my braincells working. I had 3 side jobs while working on freelancing, defiantly didn't have it together. What makes me think I'll ever have it together? 

Here's the deal. If I can never have things my way instead of the highway, I might as well be happy with it and get on with life. That's the only thing I can ever really do. So, why am I on here writing this then? Maybe to let you guys know that you're not alone. I guess, from the outside, it does seem like I have my ducks in a row but realistically, I don't. And It's okay.

I wake up at 6 in the morning to take my pup out to walk and then I crawl back into bed at 7:30 and don't come out for air until it's 9:30. By 10:15 I'm catching my bus to go teach class that starts at 11:30. By the time I get home it's 2 in the afternoon where I go on a 2 hour long walk with my baby and then...I watch something while I finally clean last nights dishes. And guess, what? Sometimes, I get spontaneous and change up my schedule every other three days. I film videos the day it's supposed to go up and most days, my videos don't get posted until a day later and by then, Im sleep and life deprived. 

I don't always feel happy every day, in fact, I have a lot of shitty moments where I panic and stress out. Im not financially stable, I eat junk food, I barely drink water, and I can barely draw a human hand (and I call myself an artist). But the thing is, life is still pretty lit. I don't want to have some boring routine that doesn't give me heart palpitations. It's not exciting when you're not sprinting for the bus while cramming a nutella covered toast beneath a mask while one shoe is still untied. The best thing about not having your shit together is, when you do have that one moment to shine and 'adult', it's beautiful and memorable.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, you can't control things outside your circle or box. Sure, sometimes when you sit down and plan your days, it can go that way. But I guarantee that it usually doesn't. And when those days that you've planned don't go your way, your stuck with this self loathing. Let me ask, how many times have you sat down and wrote things out it your planner and it never happens? Probably a few times. And for those people who do say, "I do it all the time" watch your nose, it'll break the screen. Its great to write your plans and goals down, but remember that it's not the end of the world if it doesn't come to be.

 

The beautiful thing about life is that it hits you with the crazies. You can either try and run from it or run with it. I've lived on this planet for about twenty four years, and I still don't have my shit together. If I didn't have it together at age zero what makes people think I have it together at twenty four?

Enjoy life people, try to be okay with not having your shit together. You're not alone and I'm not alone.

 

-Pia